Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Hollywood, London

Saturday, 25 March 2006

image for Natalie Portman Is Ticked
Three Faces of Evey

London and the Village---Angry that she is no longer reigning glamorously triumphant as Queen Padme Amidala in a Hollywood forum of convenience or even consulted in a significant way about the fate of the Universe at large, Natalie Portman has decided to apply the lessons she learned at the feet of Leon, The Professional, to play tough and act rougher while erasing personal mistakes just as Jean Reno, the big French fried actor with the sunny side up disposition showed her, and so she has chosen to attack the British Parliament for its Big Brother approach to significant life style issues such as men's make up, gay relations, fetish clothing, the price of beer and personal ID cards.


"Mars attacks was just a warning. Look on the bright side, there's no going back on promises of a brighter future for all the world to see. There is always going to be a tomorrow even if the Powers that Be do not like it."


"What that tomorrow brings is up in the air."


She even raps out her thoughts, "You can ugh and you can ugh and you can ugh ugh ugh, but you can't ugh ME! Let me say that again. I think police state tactics are ugh, disgusting. Too disgusting to ugh, ugh, ugh."


"I'm sooo ticked. There is no justice in a police state! There is only brutality and then some more brutality."


"Look at what I've had to do for a living. I've had to bare down to my skimpies and shake my bootie. I've pole danced like a stripper and kissed men I'm not in love with. How much fun is that for a hot little tomato like me whose pearls can be found in her own personal oyster?"


"At least I hope I can see a world where Goya's ghost looms large over the European hinterland and echoes of artistry past reverberate throughout the world so I can enjoy my exclusive visit to Mr. Magorium's Magical Wonder Emporium where I can live liberally liberated like a luscious little lady. After all, everyone knows I'm all of five four without stiletto heels although I admit to five six in the darkness. Taller when my hair is spiked."


"I mean a girl's got to take a break from the demands of a cutting edge career."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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