Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 30 March 2012

image for Nicolette Sheridan Still Devastated By The "Hung Jury" Vows To Move To Mexico - or Maybe France
Nicolette Sheridan relaxing in her swimming pool. (Photo courtesy of Vice-President Joe Biden).

LOS ANGELES - The former star of The Desperate Housewives Nicolette Sheridan, who portrayed the astonishingly sexy Edie Britt, is reportedly still extremely upset at the outcome of her wrongful termination lawsuit trial.

She testified that she was unfairly fired from the prime time soap opera because she was a whole lot sexier than the other four leading ladies.

The trial ended in a hung jury with the twelve jurors hopelessly deadlocked at 8 in favor of Sheridan and 4 against her.

Ms. Sheridan was originally seeking damages totaling $63.4 million but she later went down to $58.7 million at the advice of her attorney Mark "Tinsel Town" Baute.

Baute is best noted for representing Kirstie Alley in the infamous 2008 case of Kirstie Alley vs. The Burger Bandit Hamburger Chain.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: According to Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest, Ms. Alley was awarded an out-of-court settlement of $892,435.17.]

Mark Baute has denied the rampant rumors that appeared in the supermarket tabloid Say What? which stated that the only reason that he took the case was because Ms. Sheridan is a very attractive actress and that he stands to receive tons and tons of free publicity and advertisement from representing her.

He scoffs at the insipidly insipid idea that he is merely a legal opportunist and notes that during his career he has represented dozens of high profile individuals including Gary Busey, Boy George, Ke$ha, and Mexico's President Nacho Winslow.

Sheridan, who is 48, has repeatedly stated that her astoundingly good looks are all natural and she has never had any cosmetic surgery done to any part of her body and that includes her quite ample bosom.

Nicolette "The Coquette" as she was called by her ex-boyfriend singer Michael Bolton, also charged that the creator of Desperate Housewives Marc "Skippy" Cherry became very upset with her one day during filming on the set and yelled at her when she flubbed one of her lines.

She remarked that she did get back at Cherry by screaming that he looked exactly like the Pillsbury Doughboy, but not as cute, powdery, or straight.

FOOTNOTE: Nicolette's personal hair stylist FuFi Fondue informed Tittle Tattle Tonight that Ms. Sheridan confided to him that she is totally disgusted with the whole Desperate Housewives trial circus atmosphere. A very disappointed Sheridan admitted that she is seriously considering selling her $9.3 million Beverly Hills mansion and moving down to Mexico, or maybe to France.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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