Written by Rama
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Topics: Celebrities, Cocaine

Wednesday, 22 March 2006

image for Cocaine Kate and the Tale of the Egg

While being prescribed some medication recently, my doctor told me to be careful of my liver. I don't see what the big deal is. If it conks out, I can simply get a new one. That's what celebrities do. Larry Hagman is on his 2nd or 3rd liver already with no signs of slowing down!

Livers, and other organs, are much easier to come by then you would think. There is a surplus of them in the 3rd world, where they have more spare parts than money. Brazilian street kids spend their days sniffing glue, and stealing, until someone scoops them up, and their organs are harvested for transplant into America celebrities. No questions asked.

When you consider the lifestyle of the average American celebrity, you can well understand the demand for fresh, healthy organs. At the rate Lindsay Lohan is going, she'll be on the donor waiting list before she's 30!

It was recently revealed that Kate Moss is another celebrity substance abuser. Canny Kate carried her stash around the world with impunity, by secreting the illegal substances with in an expensive Faberge egg. Very smart. Customs officials probably weren't even aware that those things opened up. They wouldn't be anxious to pry around the expensive possessions of influential people, in any case. Would you want to be the peon who mangled Kate Moss's $200 000 object de art?

Inside the egg, beyond the prying eyes of customs clerks, was cocktail of cocaine, Ecstasy, and assorted other goodies, such as veterinary 'horse tranquilizer', and date rape drug, Rohypnal.

Moss was said to carry her stash about the world with impunity that Sir Paul McCartney, and Keith Richards might envy. She even pulled it out for display, while on a shoot in South Africa. When she wasn't pulling the wool over the keen eyes of the customs staff, she was pulling out her egg, and treating friends to parties worthy of the jet set.

One friend claims that Kate takes Ecstasy only to relax. She claims it's the same principle as drinking yourself sober. If I'd ever drunk myself sober, I'd have asked the bartender for a refund! Another friend claims that they were in a hotel room together. Kate was wired from a hard night of snorting coke, and partying hard. She needed to get to sleep, so she pulled out a couple of rohypnols. She popped the pills, and continued to chat away, until they kicked in.

I can just imagine being Ms Moss's personal assistant, and taking an urgent call, after she's taken a couple of her 'horse pills'. "I'm sorry, Ms Moss won't be taking any calls until after her rohypnol wears off. You wouldn't wake her now with a bucket of water thrown in her famous face. She's out colder than Elvis." Sweet dreams, sleeping beauty!

So you can see the very great demand for replacement parts. Life in the fast lane can make you lose your mind. It's hard on your innards, too!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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