Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 25 March 2012

image for Simon Cowell Is Thrilled That Britney Spears Has Finally Agreed To Be The New X-Factor Judge
Simon Cowell can be seen standing in front of the "H" announcing the hiring of Britney Spears.

HOLLYWOOD - In true Tinsel Town fashion, Simon Cowell, owner, producer, and judge of X-Factor stood in front of the Hollywood sign and announced that he has gotten his wish and Britney Spears has agreed to be the new judge on X-Factor.

The man who many call "The Viceroy of Venom," even though he is a devoted Marlboro man, stated that he is so excited to know that Britney Spears will be sitting next to him at the X-Factor judges table.

Cowell stated that the erotically sexy Spears will be taking Paula "Touchdown" Abdul's place and that she will be paid the sum of $15 million. He also pointed out that he is having Abdul's old dressing room totally remodeled and it will be twice as big.

Britney's new dressing room will have a built in jacuzzi, a big screen television, a Margarita making machine like the one Jennifer Lopez has in her American Idol dressing room, and an 18 item salad bar.

The "Royal Dude of Rude" said that he knows that he and the ever so sexy Britney will hit it off big time.

According to iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli, Britney has been a fan of "Simple" Simon Cowell since his American Idol days.

Miss V pointed out that the blonde songstress actually wrote Cowell telling him how handsome she thought he was and she even asked him for an autographed T-shirt.

Vermicelli asked Spears if it was true that she had a tattoo with the initials S.C. tattooed on her lower stomach. Britney reportedly turned as pink as a Corpus Christi carnation and said that she would never tell.

Ms. Spears went on to mention that if she was not engaged to Jason Trawick and Simon was not engaged to Mezhgan Hussainy that she would jump his bones like white stripes on a black zebra.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Britney was asked by Vodka Vermicelli to explain her statement. She smiled as she shrugged her shoulders and whispered that she once heard country singer Reba McEntire say it so it must be a good country cliché.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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