Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 22 March 2012

image for Joan Rivers Tells Bristol Palin To Go Back To Alaska And Stalk Something Like A Moose, A Caribou, or Nanicka Zapalicka
Joan Rivers shown in Manhattan without her makeup. (Photo courtesy of Kelly Ripa).

HOLLYWOOD - Joan Rivers, the "Undisputed Queen of Mean" has some advice for Sarah Palin's oldest daughter Bristol, "Get your Alaskan bottom back on up to the Iceberg State now!"

Rivers made her very strong comment on The Ellen DeGeneres Show after she heard Bristol "The Pistol" as her mama calls her, say that she is waiting for President Obama to call her up and apologize for Bill Maher using a very strong expletive to refer to her mother.

The 78-year-old comedian pointed out that first of all Bill Maher does not speak for the president, the vice-president, or even for Gary Busey. Maher simply speaks for himself...Billy "Skippy" Maher and no one else.

The female Yiddish pit bull then stated that Bristol, 21, is very lucky that she did not get arrested two years ago when she appeared on Dancing With The Stars. Rivers said that she could have easily been arrested for impersonating a dancer.

And Joan was quick to point out that in the 14 season history of Dancing With The Stars, Bristol is the one and only contestant to ever gain weight while competing.

According to TV ClickerWorld every other dancer actually lost weight due to the rigors of the 8 to 12 hour rehearsals six days a week.

TVC also pointed out that Kirstie Alley while she was a contestant on Dancing With The Stars lost an amazing 100 pounds.

And Niecy Nash is alleged to have lost 17 pounds along with one of her ovaries which the shows doctor said somehow became dislodged and simply popped out during her quick step number.

Rivers pointed out that nutritionists and diet doctors are all baffled by the fact that Bristol Palin is the only dancer out of about 200 celebrity dancers who have appeared on the show to have ever gained weight while on the show.

Judge Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli stated somewhat tongue-in-cheek that he was not surprised one bit because most of the time whenever he would see Bristy, as the cast called her, backstage during her rehearsals she usually had something in her mouth, a Hostess Twinkie, a Dunkin Donut, or a piece of Butterball turkey.

Rivers is still fuming and she recently told Barbara Walters during an appearance on The View that Sarah Palin's little 'big-mouthed' kid needs to get herself back on up to Alaska and concentrate on stalking moose, caribou, or perhaps Nanicka Zapalicka.

SIDENOTE: Nanicka Zapalicka is a very attractive 29-year-old Eskimo-American beauty who is Todd Palin's personal salmon fishing guide. And according to Tittle Tattle Tonight, iRumors, Bedroom Pillow Talk, and Hollywood Innuendo Miss Zapilicka is alleged to also be his love interest as well.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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