Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 21 March 2012

image for Tiger Woods Says He Misses His Sexy Ex-Wife Elin Nordegren So Much He's Starting To Act Like Gary Busey
Tiger Woods has admitted it may be time for him to hang up the old golf clubs and retire. (Photo taken by Ke$ha).

TARZANA - Tiger Woods visited the Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo where he had taken two of his caddy's children for a petting zoo visit.

Little 7-year-old Hayley Venus and 8-year-old Sanborn Johnny Flaxenworthy enjoyed their visit to the most famous petting zoo in America.

Hayley Venus really liked getting to pet Chucky the Chicken, which according to Tittle Tattle Tonight just happens to be Twilight star Rob Pattinson's favorite Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo animal.

Sanborn Johnny preferred petting Pepe the Peruvian Penguin. According to Fuchsia Garfunkel with The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle, who was also at the zoo, Tiger seemed to enjoy hanging out with Ramon the Neutered Rabbit and Wanda the Weasel.

While the two kids were off looking at the dozens of animals and birds in the petting zoo Miss Garfunkel asked Woods if it was true that he had really been feeling depressed about his divorce.

Woods smiled as he put down his bottle of Coke Zero and plastic souvenir toy of Ramon the Neutered Rabbit. He then told Garfunkel that it was true and that he has really been missing his sexy, ex-wife Elin Nordegren real bad.

Tiger confessed that he has really been a mess lately, as evidenced by his poor golf game. He got a somber look on his face and admitted that he is beginning to feel a lot like Gary "The Space Cadet" Busey.

He went on to say that one day last week he walked into a Cackle Cackle Chicken Diner in Kankakee, Illinois, and ordered some sardine tacos. The waitress got a puzzled look on her face as she told him that he was in a chicken restaurant and that they did not serve any tacos and especially not sardine tacos.

Tiger left the eatery and divulged that he then drove to a Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Chinese Restaurant and again was told that they did not carry sardine tacos on their menu.

He said he then returned to his hotel room and ordered a $17 sardine taco from room service.

Woods did express to Miss Garfunkel that he is seriously thinking about checking himself into The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic to deal with his depression and his weird craving for sardine tacos.

He added that he will also seek professional help to get him to stop thinking about how stunningly lascivious Elin has been looking lately.

To view some very provocative photos of Tiger's gorgeously erotic Swedish ex-wife go to www.elinnordegrenwowwowwow.wow

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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