LONDON, ONTARIO (ABSNN) - Young Justin Bieber, a heart throb to tweens is a fairly girlish-boy. He is a pale imitation of a wimp; a slow breeze would knock him off his feet. A 98-year-old rag picker would beat his ass in a fight. And Bieber himself is getting tired of being seen pretty much as a milksop. Science may change that, soon.
Klinefelter's Syndrome is produced in male mice by splicing an extra female gene into the DNA. Males who undergo this procedure develop insatiable sex drives. They become hardier, stronger, and aggressive and seem to live for sex.
So powerful is the sex drive in the treated mice that they actually ejaculate twice as much semen as their untreated peers. For Bieber, the gene splicing may make him not only a heart throb but a large throbbing penis man that no girl will ever forget.
"Human males born with Klinefelter's Syndrome or a double X chromosome often suffer from infertility and hypogonadism," said the study's author Paul Bonthuis, "but Bieber is such a pansy already that we think this will make him a real man.
Bieber will enter an unnamed clinic at the end of the week and have his chromosomes altered. Then he will be placed into rooms where experienced fertile females (prostitutes) will evaluate his sexual prowess, or lack thereof.
"I hoping for the best and I know everything will turn out just fine. I'm such a Pollyanna. Maybe Taylor Swift will take me more seriously," Bieber chortled.
Men do not chortle.
Bieber has our best wishes and we hope to hear the results soon.