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Saturday, 17 March 2012

image for Rachel Allen Celebrates St Patrick's Day With Some Zingy Hot Irish Sauce
Catch Yerself On Martin - So Ye Will, An Begorrah

Top blonde Irish telly chef Rachel Allen celebrated St Patrick's day today by smothering her breasts in hot zingy chilli sauce, in an innovative recipe suggestion sent in by avid fan, Martin Shuttlecock.

"I was in a bad mood when I woke up this morning," Shuttlecock admitted. "And it got even worse when the wife started watching them bloody cooking programmes on the telly, with that James Martin sort, but I perked up a bit when Rachel decided to make my St Patrick's day cookery suggestion of Chinese Indian Turkish Irish Italian chicken breast kebabs in hot spicy chilli sauce."

Shuttlecock sat transfixed and hypnotised and stuff as the luscious Rachel marinated her chicken breasts in chilli sauce and Chinese five spice with lashings of curry powder and some basil.

Before lobbing it off into a hot wok which she borrowed off American/Chinese chef chap, Ken Hom.

"It's a hot spicy dish, for sure, to be sure and that," said Shuttlecock, putting on a crap Irish accent in honour of Saint Patrick. "And what I really like about Rachel is that she doesn't mind getting her hands dirty. All in the name of top cookery, of course."

Rachel Allen was unavailable for comment as she was busy squeezing some Italian bloke's 'relaxed' pasta dough.

With both hands.

In related news - Next week Rachel hopes to see Shuttlecock come again as she cooks traditional Irish dishes, like champ, Dublin coddle and colcannon.

Washed down with premium strength Belgian lager and a greasy doner kebab from Ali Bullo's kebab and burger van.

More as we get it.

Providing we aren't taken ill or something.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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