"If you are a big fan of underwear, stars in their underwear, or even Z-List celebs in their underwear, then you need look no further than today's edition of The Sun," guest speaker, Pixie Lott told an enthralled audience at today's Piffle Prize Awards.
For once, The Daily Mail didn't get a look in, and neither did the usually reliable Burnley Express, as The Sun mopped up the Piffle Prize in all three top places.
The panel of judges were so blown away by the high standards of mundanity set by The Sun, that they couldn't pinpoint any particular article for attention.
Soap 'stars' footballers wives, actresses, reality stars, nobodies, God botherers, chicken sexers, flute players and flock stuffers - they're all in The Sun - in their underwear.
"They've excelled themselves today," judge Martin Shuttlecock told reporters. "It was that bad that I couldn't even be arsed reading any of it. What a load of fucking old bollocks! I've nothing against women parading about in their underwear per se - but I was looking to find out what's going on in the world...and what did I get? Some fucking bimbo off Doctor Who in her bra and pants, and a right shower of shit off something called TOWIE. Whatever that is. That fucking Murdoch chap ought to be damn well ashamed of himself. The custard pie catching tosser."
Not to be outdone in the Piffle Prize stakes, the Daily Mail promised swift retaliation as it rushed its brand new 'Ask Doctor Lynton' page to the presses, promising to back it up with articles about a fat woman who farted and blew up the whole street, and a BASE jumping hyena on drugs.
More as we get it - but hopefully not.