Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Wednesday, 15 March 2006

image for George Bush Feels Threatened As Milla Jovovich Kicks Republican Ass in ‘Ultraviolet'
Jovovich as Violet fighting future Republican evil

WASHINGTON (Reuters)-President George W. Bush has denounced the brilliant and action-packed new movie "Ultraviolet" starring Milla Jovovich as "a kick in the ass for my Republican Administration."

The film features Jovovich as a genetically enhanced "hemophage" with supernatural powers ie, some sort of super-vampire heroine who fights against state evil, but who is also dying of the blood disorder she has and which was caused by a virus released by the US military.

"Sure, that movie is set over 100 years in the future, but it also features a religious-fascist state a lot like our own present-day America under my presidency," complained Bush. "It is disheartening to see this good ultra-vampire kill hundreds of member of Homeland Security in a Terminator sort of role. Those boys are simply trying to oppress and exterminate people who are different and who might have weird medical conditions like HIV and vampirism."

Yet the movie is a fantastic and brilliant action picture, with intense fighting and chase scenes and great music. A surprisingly deep and empathetic relationship develops between a dying, human cloned child who contains an antigen capable of destroying the human race, who Violet rescues from Ferdinand Daxus, the evil head of the fascist-Christian dictatorship (played by Nick Chinlund) who runs the future society.

"We can't have female vampires running around on the big screen making my Administration look bad," said the bitter Bush. "Why can't these movies show these vampires stealing foreign oil to fuel our SUVs and Hummers as they fight wars in Iraq and Iran like our deluded soldiers, instead of fighting and killing American fascists in our army and protection services?"

Jovovich maintains a tough, erotic yet sensitive attitude and fashion-conscious image throughout the movie, even as she is killed by Daxus and reborn by the vampire scientist Garth who secretly loves her.

"If Violet, I mean Milla Jovovich would just shape up and salute the US flag, I could give her a cabinet level appointment in my Administration to improve my falling standings in public opinion polls," added Bush. "Look at those Hollywood actors Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ronald Reagan who ended up as Republican governors of California. Ron even ended up in the White House."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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