Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 12 March 2012

image for Nicolette Sheridan Lawsuit Pending, Sarah Palin Signs Deal as Newest Desperate Housewife
Wisteria Lane in Fairview, just got interesting.

With an aptly named "wrongful termination" charge pending by actor Nicolette Sheridan, the California courts will decide if her job (and her character) was indeed killed off with intentional malice and forethought. Desperate Housewives producers will carry on however, with the shocking introduction of Sarah Palin as the newest resident of Wisteria Lane.

While Sheridan's only plausible return to the show would be as a ghost, Palin will play up and coming mayoral candidate, Sherry Whalin. Assistant show producer, Will Yagagni says, "Ms. Palin has that believable quality going for her, an attitude that says, get out of my way or I'll gut you like a Moose. It really comes out on screen, and of course in the morning, if she doesn't get her fresh Cinnebon and Mocha Latte".

Show insiders and Palin supporters were both wondering why she would accept the contract with the 2012 political season so close. "We always hoped Sarah might make it back to the podium as a Vice President candidate", says Women who Adore Sarah Palin group founder, Millicent Milfarb. "I am a WASP through and through, and nothing that Sarah says is wrong for this country".

"Yeah. Well. Ya know. Maybe in another 8 years or so with a little more on her resume other than dropping by other people's campaigns with her bus and holding her own press conferences", says Washington insider, Biff Stickley. "She's not bad in front of the microphone provided she doesn't try to say too much".

Stickley and Yagagni both think Palin's Hollywood move is a good one. "Hollywood is a lot like Washington actually, except you can say ridiculous things and still get paid for saying them. Wait a minute. I guess Hollywood and Washington are more alike than I first thought", says Stickley.

Palin's character will play off Sarah's own rustic background and personal preferences, with her home on Wisteria Lane featuring a room for displaying hunting trophies and a gun collection. Some mystery follows a deep open pit in Ms. Whalin's back yard; forever unfinished landscaping where the shovels seem to appear in different places during each episode. Insiders speculate that if Nicolette Sheridan were to win her court case and return to the show, it could be from Whalin's pit.

"Romance, deception, lots of coveting thy neighbor's wife and a former political candidate with a huge gun collection? It's going to be a great season!" says Yagagni.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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