Written by Inchcock
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Monday, 12 March 2012

image for Nottingham Pensioner inspired by Henglebert Eumperdink's comeback!
For those who can remember Bernard Bresslaw's 'They were making mad passionate love'

Henglebert Eumperdink's return to sing in the Euro-vision Song Contest for England, has inspired a Nottingham pensioner, to form a musical group from within the Nottingham City Hospital Rehabilitation Group members.

Manager and lead singer of the group Inchcock (68) commented on the forming of the group to our reporter Lint Onitt:

"The group currently consists of Arthur Itis (71), Cis Titus (57), Anne Gina (67), Con Genital (59), Ed Imma (82), Dee Zees (83), and Harry Thmia (63), but of course any one could pop their clogs at any-time, so we have a few in reserve to replace them as and when they do go."

We waited while Mr Inchcock coughed up some blood-laced black gooey phlegm, limped to the WC to pass water, returned looking pale and shaky, smiled, adjusted his hearing aids and then continued:

"Our first recording is a blend of Bernard Bresslaw's 'They were making mad passionate love', Bernard Cribbin's 'Right said Fred', and Morecome & Wises 'Boom Oooh Yatatata', with a backing sounding similar to 'Your a Pink toothbrush, I'm a blue toothbrush' from Max Bygraves."

Mr Inchcock scratched at his impetigo, and picked at the welts on his hands for a while, hobbled to the WC again, and returning muttering to himself about the Outer Mongolian Gungo bean crop being down by 2% in 1969, then added:

"Although some parts of the recording were originally made in 1959, we think this song will impress the younger generation - when we first played it to the Rehabilitation staff here at the centre, they were speechless."

He struggled to the WC, continuing when he returned covering his flies area with his welt covered crooked hands:

"And the sound is original too, not many songs out there that are recorded using a bazooka, comb and paper, and live recordings from the operating theatre! We call our group 'The Zimmer Frame Squeak's'..."

At this point Mr Inchcock coughed, went white, passed wind and collapsed in a flabby heap on the floor, and was collected by the porters, carried to the WC and then taken out through the back doors.

If he survives, we will try to bring you more on this new old genre in music!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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