Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 7 March 2012

image for Christina Aguilera Is Furious At Joan Rivers For Insinuating That She Is Pregnant
A closeup of Christina Aguilera's hair. (Photo courtesy of FuFi Fondue).

BEVERLY HILLS - Christina Aguilera was sitting at The Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive getting her roots colored and her feet massaged.

As she was sitting in a plush chair talking to the salon's owner FuFi Fondue she saw Joan Rivers on the salon's big screen television appearing on The View.

Rivers was telling the show's head host Barbara Walters that she really thinks that Christina Aguilera is with child.

Walters asked her why in the world she thinks that, and Joan "The Moan" replied, "Well my goodness Barbara, look at the bleached blonde's tummy and tell me that it doesn't look like she's hiding a cantaloupe."

Barbara smiled and said that maybe its the clothes. Joan laughed and said that her very close friend and co-host on The Fashion Police Kelly Osbourne had told her (Joan) that it is no secret that some of Aguilera's weight is due to food, but Christina has a glow in her eyes that only mothers-to-be have.

Kelly recently stated to Tittle Tattle Tonight that Aguilera's motto is: E pluribus bring me food products.

Barbara let out a little giggle as did Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg. Joy added that she had also heard young Osbourne say that Christina had gained so much weight that she is starting to wear Kirstie Alley's old clothes.

As Christina watched Joan Rivers she told Fondue that Joan is a Yiddish skank who looks more like a space alien than space aliens do. She grinned as she said that Joan has enough plastic in her body to build a two-man canoe.

Aguilera took a sip of her Lava Lamp Martini and expressed that she is furious with Rivers for insinuating that she is pregnant. She then quipped that both Joan and her sidekick Kelly together have all the charm of two speed bumps.

Christina recently gave an interview to Fuchsia Garfunkel of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle and she confided in her that yes she admits she has gained a bit of weight, but it is not baby weight but Hostess Twinkies weight.

SIDENOTE: Ms. Aguilera has admitted that one of her bad habits is an uncontrollable addiction to midnight snacks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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