Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 6 March 2012

image for Patricia Heaton Denies That She Is Having An Affair With Rush Limbaugh
Patricia Heaton's high school graduation photo.

LOS ANGELES - Apparently actress Patricia Heaton, who appears as Frankie Heck the dysfunctional, horrible housekeeper of a mother on the sitcom The Middle, thinks that people care about what she has to say in the political arena.

That sentiment was stated by Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors who went on to note that Heaton, who stands 5-foot-2-inch in six-inch heels, first appeared in a high school play production of The Wizard of Oz where she portrayed one of the munchkins (the shortest one).

Rangoon pointed out that Patricia, who is noted for having the biggest ears in Hollywood, recently made some unkind remarks regarding Georgetown student Sandra Fluke.

Why in the world PatHeat felt that she had to reveal her bigoted side is beyond all comprehension. Even GOP maven Ann "Trigger" Coulter wondered why little itty bitty "Cow Patty" as her fellow cast members call her behind her back, would even remotely think about making such a mean-spirited, bitter, and hateful remark.

Miss Rangoon noted that "Cow Patty" Heaton is pretty much the only celebrity, or more exact, semi-celebrity, who has made a statement defending Rush "Foot In Mouth" Limbaugh who referred to Miss Fluke as a "slut," a "prostitute," and a "vegetarian."

And now many people in the entertainment business and out of the entertainment business are wondering if perhaps, just maybe, there are some kind of behind-the-scenes intimate shenanigans going on between "Cow Patty" Heaton and Rush "Cigar Boy" Limbaugh.

Noted hair stylist to the stars FuFi Fondue was asked by Miss Rangoon for his opinion. He stated that he only did PatHeat's hair once but after she left him a measly $2 tip he told her to never come into his hair salon again and suggested that the next time she needs her hair done that she goes across the border to Tijuana, Mexico.

Lingchow Rangoon tried to get a hold of and speak with hateful Heaton but her therapist, Dr. Adolfous P. Hitlerburg said that she was all rolled up in a ball on his couch and did not want to speak with anyone.

The word on the streets of Tinsel Town is that Larry King did manage to speak with the tiny, big-mouthed actress and she informed him in no uncertain terms that she is not having an affair with Rush Limbaugh, intimate, public, or otherwise.

SIDENOTE: Patricia Heaton is 54, but many Hollywood starlets say she actually looks closer to 64. She reportedly has an IQ of 87. She owns a pet rattlesnake and a pet piranha, and according to Ray Romano, her ex-co-star on Everybody Loves Raymond she's a size A cup.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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