Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 5 March 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Admits She's Attracted To Heidi Montag
The waiter at the Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos Restaurant who waited on Lohan and Montag. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan has vowed that her party girl days are over. The extremely freckled Tinsel Town starlet has stated that she has learned her lesson and she is thrilled beyond belief that she is not sitting in some cold, damp prison cell.

According to Bedroom Pillow Talk Lohan confessed that the legal system has certainly given her a lot more chances than if her last name was Ling, Luna, Lebinski, or LaFeesha.

The celebutante who was once engaged to fellow female Samantha "The Kid" Ronson noted that she hopes to get together with Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston and do a remake of Dolly Parton's classic secretarial film Nine To Five.

When Lohan was asked by BPT's Carolina Chipotle what finally convinced her to give up her life as a party animal the blonde fruit cup remarked that she had received a very nice letter from Vice-President Joe Biden.

She divulged that he had told her that he was a big fan of her movies and told her that he wants her to get her act together so that she can continue making the fabulous movies that she is noted for.

Lohan grinned and said that the vice-president told her that his favorite all-time movie was Herby: Fully Loaded. She said that the vice-president told her that he bought the DVD and has seen the film at least 14 times including once with French President Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

Lindsay shyly smiled and remarked that Vice-President Biden's second favorite movie is last year's award-winning Machete in which she portrayed a piƱata maker in Tijuana, Mexico who is abducted by space aliens on Cinco de Mayo (May 5) and taken away to the intergalactic planet of Machete where she will be used to breed freckle-faced aliens.

Lohan was asked about the recent LaLaLand gossip regarding her and Heidi Montag. She giggled and said that she recently met Heidi at a Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos in West Hollywood and that the two really hit it off right away.

She said that they had exchanged private cell phone numbers before they had even finished eating their complimentary chips and salsa.

Lindsay said that Montag told her how much she loved her commercials for Rapunzel Hair Coloring in which she appears wearing one of the skimpiest bikini swimsuits ever manufactured in California.

LiLo then complimented Heidi on how great she looked after having had over 40 plastic surgeries.

She went on to say that it is no secret that she likes girls and she confided to Montag that she found her to be a stunningly, attractive, and fabulously sexy woman.

Montag took her hand and kissed it. Lohan remarked that she would never again wash that hand.

After the two finished their dinner of The Deluxe Fajita Plate For Two, they drove off in Montag's BMW convertible.

One of the waiters at Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos noted that he had overheard Lohan and Montag giggling as they talked about getting matching tattoos.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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