Skoob Entertainment News's inside man, Martin Shuttlecock, has just related that the long awaited latest episode of The Mystery Of Puddleby Cove - Featuring The Spiffing Six - Episode Five is to be released within the hour.
It is anticipated that the eagerly awaited latest episode in the rather dull and uneventful serial will probably languish for hours on end in the Approvals Center (sic) of website of ill repute thespoof.com, like the last thing the author wrote.
And the one before that.
Shuttlecock, a drunken oaf with no sense of humour and a crumpled pork pie hat, revealed that he had received a mysterious phone call from Skoob Entertainment News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger, stating that the latest edition of the non cliff-hanger ending serial will be out within the hour.
"I don't know why this Ginslinger bloke decided to call me," Shuttlecock grumbled. "I mean, I've never even met the man. Besides, my mate Lynton said that the Puddleby Cove serial is crap anyway. He says it doesn't have any cliffhanger endings and that it's all about nothing at all really. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know. What it is, right, is I've got to go because I'm just watching MOTD and Liverpool getting stuffed up the arse. Sorry - by the Arse."
At which point, long suffering wife Anne sent Shuttlecock off to make her a bedtime drink. Shuttlecock sheepishly complied.
"I'm not going to bed yet," he whispered. "I ain't that brave."
More as we get it.