The inaugural 'Titter Ye Not Prize' was awarded this lunchtime in a Central London hotel banqueting suite. The prize, thought to be the brainchild of controversial historian, David Starkey, is to be awarded on a totally haphazard basis to whoever happens to tickle the judges' fancy with a fine line in ribaldry, or a classic double entendre.
Whenever, or wherever it crops up.
The inaugural winner, a TV ad for supermarket chain, Aldi, depicts a dour Scottish fisherman comparing two packets of frozen fish fingers. The dour chappie explains that he likes both, although one is considerably cheaper than its rival, before they are revealed as consisting primarily of pollock. Then he smiles wryly at the camera, points to the packets of fish fingers, and declares:
"A fine pair of pollocks."
"That was right up my street, that was," prize Judge, Bradley Walsh announced. "It was a deserving winner. A fine pair of pollocks indeed! Laughed fit to burst, I did. Good job it wasn't a question on The Chase or I'd have corpsed good and proper. And the funny thing is that it creases me up the more I see it. I even bought three packets of fish fingers on the strength of it, although I must confess I didn't buy them from Aldi's. Not that I have anything against Aldi's - it's just that we don't have one in my manor."
Head judge, former Sex Pistols and PiL lead singer, John Lydon, said in the presentation speech:
"I liked it because it sounds like the fisherman chappie is saying 'A Fine Pair Of Bollocks!' and we once released an album called 'Never Mind The Bollocks - Here's The Sex Pistols.' I quite like bollocks, I do, but not in a gay way - as that dunderhead who writes for the Spoof is so fond of saying. What I mean, is I like 'bollocks' as a word, because it's incredibly powerful, expressive and versatile, and it's likely to make the boring old farts in the House of Lords shit themselves. Which can't be all bad, can it."
The prize was accepted on behalf of Aldi's by some geezer who turned up in a white van. Nobody seemed to be quite sure who he was, but he seemed like a good sort.
More as we get it.