Marvel Enterprises announced today that in its desperate attempt to make a summer blockbuster out of every single comic book character they own they have decided to begin production on a "Solomon Grundy" movie.
"Remember Solomon Grundy?", said Stan Lee, head of Marvel and creator of hundreds of characters, "He was in the Legion of Doom and he fought Batman or Superman or one of those guys ..."
The popularity of the Solomon Grundy character is in question, however. In a recent nationwide poll about which comic book character should be next on the big screen, Solomon Grundy didn't receive a single mention, and even Black Manta got a vote in that one.
"Yeah, that's right! 'Solomon Grundy destroy Superfriends!'," said Lee, in a poor imitation of Grundy's creepy southern dialect.
Lee stated that the film will focus on the origin of Solomon Grundy and his hardships dealing with being a supervillian who died in a swamp and was resurrected by magic and now talks like a Creole idiot.
"It's actually a very tragic story," said Lee, sobbing profusely, "He smashes things and speaks in third person because he can't deal with being a zombie."
When asked if maybe Marvel has run out of suitable movie characters and if they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel, Lee continued with the Solomon Grundy accent.
"Stan Lee got lot of movies left! Stan Lee live forever and smash and eat brains of Superman!"
Casting has already begun, and it's no great surprise that Vin Diesel has nabbed the title role.
"It da role Vin DIesel was born to play!", said Diesel, "Vin Diesel as Solomon Grundy make lot of sense 'cause Solomon Grundy and Vin Diesel are lot alike! Vin Diesel win Oscar fo' sho'!"
WRITER'S NOTE: I just realized that Solomon Grundy is a DC Comics character, and here I am talking like he's Marvel. I could change the article, but who really cares?