Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 1 March 2012

image for Katy Perry Jumps At The Chance To Guest Star With Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev on The Vampire Diaries
Russell Brand will be getting full custody of his and Katy's pet dog, Mr. Crumpets. (Photo courtesy of Cat Deeley).

LOS ANGELES - Katy Perry says that she is starting to feel a little bit better about herself and realizes that she knows she tried to make her marriage to Russell Brand work.

Perry sat in the outdoor patio of The Enchanted Enchilada in Redondo Beach nibbling on a plate of Jumbo Shrimp Enchiladas with a side order of Nice Size Spice Rice while talking with Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk.

She stated that she was literally shocked when she first learned that Brand had filed for divorce on December 30 of this past year.

Katy said that she did not hear about it from Russell but instead heard it on the evening edition of Tittle Tattle Tonight while she was at the beauty salon getting her hair colored blue and her toe nails painted chartreuse.

Perry said that she really and truly believed that their marriage, although not as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar, was also not as weak as a sand castle on Malibu Beach.

She pointed out that on a scale of 1 to 10, their mattress merriment was at least a 9.7.

The singer noted that after she got over the initial shock, all of a sudden a feeling of abandonment and betrayal set in. She confessed that was the reason why she decided to sing the song "Part Of Me" at the recent 54th Annual Grammy Awards Show.

The blue-haired Katy divulged that she wrote the song as a tongue-in-cheek lashing out at Russell Brand. In the song she sings that she is so hurt by Brand that he can even keep their dog Mr. Crumpets.

She also sang that Rusty, as she used to affectionately call him, could not stand the fact that the flame of her celebrity candle was flickering higher, hotter, and brighter than the flame on his celebrity candle.

Katy then told Miss Chipotle that she was thrilled when she received a text message from her friend Nina Dobrev asking her if she would like to make a guest appearance on The Vampire Diaries.

She enthusiastically accepted so plans are in the works for Katy to guest star with Ian and Nina on the award-winning show that Vice-President Joe Biden has stated is his favorite show.

The blue-haired singer informed Miss Chipotle that regarding the episode's plot the producer of the show, Manolo Middlezuck, has sworn her to secrecy.

But she did say that the episode in which she will be appearing will be dealing with a condemned governmental toxic landfill, a visit from a vagabond vampire ventriloquist from Vancouver, and a 73-year-old man who works as a hot dog vendor at the home games of baseball's Atlanta Braves.

In a non-related story. Justin Timberlake's girlfriend Jessica Biel will turn 29, on March 3. Justin who is nicknamed "Mr. Tight Wad" has reportedly bought her a used bicycle for her birthday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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