Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 1 March 2012

image for Ashton Kutcher & Halle Berry - Ashton Admits He's Still Attracted To "Cougars"
Ashton Kutcher has more cameras than any other celebrity in Hollywood (391). (Photo by Ke$ha).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Ashton Kutcher was recently spotted having dinner alone at a local Pompous Pizza Parlor.

The star of the TV sitcom Two and A Half Men was asked by Pia Confetti of The El Lay Informer if it was true that he has been wanting to date Kobe Bryant's soon-to-be-ex-wife Vanessa Bryant.

Ashton told Miss Confetti that it was not true and that it was simply a rumor that had been started by the "Space Cadet" better known as Charlie Sheen.

Kutcher was quick to point out that the rumors about him wanting to date Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Aniston, and even Kate Gosselin were also false and those were started by British comedian Ricky "Jaws" Gervais.

The man who spent five years in a May-December marriage with Demi "The Cougar" Moore did say that he cannot deny the fact that he seems to suddenly have developed a type of semi-infatuation for older women.

Confetti asked him about his romantic link with the much younger Sara Leal, the blonde piƱata heiress from Guadalajara, Mexico.

He laughed and said that Sarita was just a rebound thing and that he just dated her to help him regain his male ego and get his dating confidence back so he could get back in the groove of dating and re-establishing the second base, third base, and eventual home run dating format.

Ashton did admit to Confetti that he recently hooked up with Halle Berry at a Presidents Day Party that was held at Rob Pattinson's Vampire Villa in Malibu Beach.

Kutcher said he told Halle that he had developed a crush on her when she portrayed Leticia Musgrove in the movie Monster's Ball.

Miss Confetti managed to talk to Miss Berry and find out what she thought about Ashton. Halle simply said that Kutcher is cute, rich, and that she has no desire whatsoever to engage in a "Cougar" slash "Boy Toy" relationship with him or with any other younger guy.

Sunday, March 4, is Ice Cream Sundae Day except in Delaware where Sundae's were outlawed due to the infamous Maraschino Cherry Scare of 2009.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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