Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 28 February 2012

image for Oprah Winfrey Explains Why She and Her BFF Gayle King Decided To Go Skydiving
Oprah's state-of-the-art luxury yacht The "Queen Gayle."

CHICAGO - It is no secret that Oprah Winfrey's NOW Network is not doing as good as the former talk show queen had hoped it would do.

The lady known as Miss O, recently sat down with Voodoo Dupree of The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette and had a little chit chat.

Miss Oprah was asked what she is planning on doing to help reverse the downward spiraling ratings that her new network is receiving.

Winfrey smiled as she took a sip of her cup of Mrs. Butterworth's and simply said that she has not yet hit the panic button. She made a hmmm sound and remarked that she is worth $2.7 billion so it's not like she is worried about missing a mansion payment or something.

Dupree asked about the rumor that she and her best friend Gayle King had decided to go skydiving.

Oprah giggled and said that actually she decided and Gayle being the devoted, dedicated friend she is agreed to her decision.

"Why?" Came the remark from Miss Dupree.

And the former talk show host replied that she had not revealed to anyone the real reason but that she was going to give her and The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette the scoop.

Oprah popped three M&Ms in her mouth. After she swallowed them she told Dupree that she would reveal her reason.

Winfrey was asked why she had swallowed the M&Ms without chewing them first. She explained that by her swallowing them whole instead of chewing them and then swallowing them that it prevents the calories in the M&Ms from being ingested into her body.

The reporter shook her head and remarked that she had no idea that it worked that way.

Winfrey replied that she has been using that little osmotic trick for the past three months after she was informed of it by Kirstie Alley who in the past year has lost 100 pounds of unsolicited fat.

Oprah then related to Miss Dupree that the reason she decided to go skydiving was simply because she got fed up with hearing Naomi Campbell and Star Jones go on and on about how they bravely went skydiving on Christmas Eve of last year.

Winfrey added that Campbell and Jones together jumped out of a Cessna Skyhawk (Value: $172,509) from a height of 26,400 feet (5 miles).

She grinned and pointed out that when her and Gayle go skydiving, they are going to jump out of a Piper Warrior (Value: $195,303) at a height of 36,800 (6 miles).

ARTICLE POSTSCRIPT: Oprah informed Miss Dupree that she is still trying to lure David Letterman away from CBS by offering him his own night time talk show on her network at twice the salary that CBS is paying him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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