Dr. Conrad Murray, who has been anally savaged on an hourly basis since being convicted of killing the most famous person in the universe, is now begging the court set aside sh conviction on the ground that he should have been allowed to argue another theory of the crime.
"This Court, in it's haste to allow the People to prove that it was my administering of a fatal dose of elephant tranquilizer," said Murray's brief, written by jailhouse lawyer Schmeckel "Earth Pig" Honorsteen, "robbed the undersigned of his right to garner an acquittal in the face of overwhelmingly damning evidence, a time-honored California tradition."
Murray makes a number of arguments, but the most interesting is the section titled, "Financial Condition of Michael Jackson."
Said Murray: "Mr. Jackson was in debt approximately $440 million and desperately needed to fulfill a contractual commitment at the O2 arena in London."
"Jackson had no way to earn that kind of money. It's not like he's sold more records than anyone, ever, or that he owns the entire Beatles publishing collection or something. Wait, he DOES own them? Shit. Ok, delete all of that stuff. No, just delete... What? I know you're writing this on toilet paper, can't you just erase it or something? Shit."