Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 22 February 2012

image for Adele's Middle Finger Incident Reportedly Result of Nerve Damage

Following significant controversy over singer Adele's middle finger flip at the London Brit Awards, her publicist and friends stepped forward to deny that the perceived insult was actually intentional.

Explaining to the press that her middle finger is plagued by permanent nerve damage, Adele's publicist, Lotta B. Essen, described the finger injury as "unfortunate, with frequent uncontrollable results".

Reportedly received during her younger days as a rock climber in Tottenham, a piece of the story this news service could not substantiate, Adele's middle finger was apparently caught in a rock crevice, stretched beyond it's normal limits and now suffers from frequent erect gestures without any control from Adele herself.

Essen says, "It's a horrible affliction and much like at the London Brit Awards, it gets her into trouble. She meant no offense, truly". Essen went on to describe how the finger activity causes Adele to frequently drop her fork, and how it becomes troublesome in the lieu when needing to wipe. Essen was seen pouting after the description as if waiting forld a sympathetic reply.

A spokesman for James Corden, the evening's host for the LBA's, says there was nothing unintentional about the gesture. "The whole nerve damage thing makes for a good story, doesn't it", says Corden's assistant Tyler Shews, "except that she looked right at Mr. Corden, lifted up her arm, flipped him the 'hi, how's yer mother', and made an up and down thrusting gesture that might suggest Mr. Corden stick the finger up his back side".

Others at the LBA's seem to agree, having witnessed the incident live and carrying enough of an understanding of Tottenham's topology to know that the largest rocks there are more like landscaping boulders. "She spun a good yarn though", says one audience member, "You gotta give the girl credit for being a story teller".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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