Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 19 February 2012

image for Pamela Anderson Denies Any Intimate Involvement With Piers Morgan
Pamela Anderson says she may be moving back to her native Canada. (Photo courtesy of Vice-President Joe Biden).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Pamela Anderson recently confessed that she is so tired of the way she has been ignored in Tinsel Town that she is seriously considering returning to her native Canada.

The 44-year-old starlet is probably best noted for strutting 'her stuff' on the television beach show Baywatch which also starred the non-Emmy award winning David Hasselhoff.

The show about sun, sand, skin, and salacious sultriness ran from 1992 to 1997. Anderson noted that during that time she went through about 2,400 tubes of Sunburn-Get-Away lotion.

Bedroom Pillow Talk recently contacted Miss Anderson and asked her about the rumors circulating from the Left Coast to the Right Coast that she reportedly had an intimate interlude with talk show host Piers Morgan.

Anderson rolled her eyes and replied, "Piers Morgan? Are you kidding me or are you kidding me? Piers Morgan?"

BPT reporter Carolina Chipotle remarked that the word is that the two were allegedly spotted parked in a Toys "R" Us parking lot in Venice Beach and engaged in a bit of rah-rah-rahhhing or as they call it in Delaware doing the bouncy bounce.

Pamela shook her head causing some of her dishwater blonde hair to go flying onto the table at a local Captain Cluckity Cluck Cluck's Chicken Diner where her and Miss Chipotle were sitting.

Luckily their order of Supreme Deluxe Chicken Tender Tasty Treats had not arrived yet.

Anderson made it very clear to Miss Chipotle that not only has she never been involved in any vavavooming (lap mingling) with Mr. Piers Morgan she has never even met him.

She went on to say that she was told by her personal hairdresser, FuFi Fondue of Beverly Hills, that Morgan had jokingly mentioned to Ellen DeGeneres on her show that he had gone out with (Anderson) at her insistence.

The star of the 1995 hit movie Baywatch The Movie: Forbidden Paradise which also starred David Hasselhoff, Yasmine Bleeth, and Keokeokalae Hughes said that she would not go out with Piers Morgan if he offered to give her the Windsor Castle and blueberry crumpets for the rest of her life.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is no secret that Ms. Anderson loves castles and that blueberry crumpets are her favorite foreign food.]

Anderson also pointed out that she does not find talk show hosts the least bit attractive and that she has pretty much only ever dated musicians and singers such as Tommy Lee, Kid Rock, Fred Durst, Usher, Rick Solomon, and Gary Busey.

She was quick to add that she only dated Busey once and that was because he told her that he would give her $3,000 if she would accompany him to an 'NSYNC concert back in September of 2001.

In breaking news. The African country of Upper Shambutu has just announced that they will be cancelling their planned invasion of Japan due to transportation problems.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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