Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 17 February 2012

image for Dolly Parton Says Simon Cowell Has Asked Her To Take Paula Abdul's Place As a Judge On "X-Factor"
Dolly has all of her 40DD bras specially made by Bras 'R' Us.

NASHVILLE - Country music icon Dolly Parton and her extremely private husband Carl Thomas Dean had just finished having dinner at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse and were walking to their truck when they were approached by a reporter for Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine.

Buck Yazoo, who Dolly had met when she first opened her entertainment theme park, Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, greeted the two and congratulated them on having been married for 45 years.

"Forty-five years!" A surprised Parton remarked adding that she has about half a dozen or so hormones still a ragin'.

Her husband simply smiled as he popped a Tic Tac in his mouth. Dolly, who is 66, told Mr. Yazoo not to take offense to Carl's private nature, it's just that he just likes to save up his words and only use them on special occasions; like Christmas and during the Super Bowl.

Yazoo asked the little platinum blonde dynamo about the talk that Simon Cowell had asked her to become one of the two new judges on his hit reality music show X-Factor since he fired both female judges Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger.

Dolly blushed as she chewed on a stick of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit Gum and remarked that he was as right as a mama hog defending her little piglets from a bacon-sniffin' mountain lion.

Yazoo told her that he loves them old backwoods sayings.

Dolly giggled and told him that it twernt no backwoods saying and quipped that she had actually gotten that saying from Joan "The Moan" Rivers who she said is an old Yiddish gal from Brooklyn.

She then admitted that "Simple" Simon, as she affectionately calls him, had in fact asked her to take Paula "The Teary Deary's" place at the judges table.

Parton grinned like the Chattanooga cat that had swallowed the Charleston canary and remarked that although the thought of sitting next to the "Sultan of Sarcasm" sounded good, there is just no way that she could ever sit there and listen to him degrade, belittle, insult, and attack those young, sweet, innocent kids.

Carl rolled his eyes and did not say a word.

Dolly told Yazoo that by (Carl) rolling his eyes like that meant that he totally agreed with her.

"You don't say?"

"I do say, and feller, I just did say so doncha be trying ta confuse this here real pretty overly cosmeticisized country gal, ya hear?"

"Yessum" came the country colloquialism reply from Yazoo.

Dolly said that it was nice talking to him and asked him to say 'howdy' to the little woman.

Yazoo laughed and said that he would but added that the little woman (Lulu Belle Yazoo) had ballooned up a bit and was now tipping the scales at 245.

As the trio exchanged goodbyes, Buck informed Dolly that starting March 13, Lulu Belle is planning on going on that special LeAnn Rimes 17 Calories A Day Diet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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