Written by BrunetteGirl xxx
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Topics: Jon Venables

Sunday, 12 February 2012

image for Jon Venables Birthday Bash!!!!
The lengths they will go to....

Prison Officers shocked Jon Venables yesterday when they paraded into his prison cell early morning on the day of his birthday. After chucking a few birthday cards and presents in his hands, they demanded he have a quick scrub as he had a fun day planned. After scrubbing, a bleary eyed Venables was then forced into a straitjacket after being pulled and tugged by prison staff. His two burly bodyguards then took him downstairs for a bowl of porridge and then he was fiercely pulled into the prison forecourt outside where they forced him into a bungee jump. Prisoners who were hovering around at the time watched in corners of the forecourt and sang 'happy birthday' shouting gestures as Venables was swung round a record 20 times. One prison officer was reportedly struck on the head as one of Venables hard boots fell off and hit him.

After being propelled back onto the ground, Venables emerged with a very miserable face but the fun was not over yet. He was then challenged by a prison guard to take part in a lucky duck competition that had been set up on the grounds. After losing, Venables picked up his rod and hit the guard with it 2 times before being ushered away inside. He had an hour's visit from his mum and dad then he was took into a special utile room where he was allowed to play with a few furry animals that are being kept at the prison currently. He supposedly spent time talking to a bright yellow canary.

In the evening he played a game of monopoly as you do, and then he supposedly looked a prison officer in the eye and said he felt ' kinda peckish '. At this note a small sized birthday cake was brought in on a tray with one candle on it. The cake was reported to be bright pink but it was not a problem as it was eaten within 10 minutes washed down with a glass of pop.

After this, Venables stern expression seemed to disappear and he bizarrely then demanded he wanted to start decorating his 30ft by 12ft room when the time was getting late as it was. As he started to paint one of the walls in a magnolia colour, he started to hum 'The Birdie Song' which seemed unusually erratic as officers were yelled at by Venables to join in. After one wall was painted Venables and prison staff sat down in front of the 30inch screen telly and watched old Top Of The Pops re-runs. At one stage, Venables got up and started dancing shaking his hips and then began to pull up the carpet. The prison governor reportedly heard them on a couple of occasions singing.

A hyper Venables then pulled one of the burly bodyguards to one side a couple of hours later and said 'oh yer I wanna go take a strut round the prison'. The bodyguard who was seriously tired and fed up by this point shrugged his shoulders and agreed. Venables put on his nightie and slippers where he was taken on a short walk down the dark corridor of the prison holding a small tealight in his hand to light the way. The poor bodyguard was then made to sit for 3 hours straight in the isolation prison lounge in front of a roaring coal fire listening to Jon Venables telling constant stories of his childhood and all his birthdays he could remember with a huge cigar and pipe in his mouth. At 4am in the morning, Venables finally returned to his cell where he reportedly slumped into his bed and murmured 'That was the best birthday ever'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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