Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 12 February 2012

image for Christina Aguilera Explodes When Questioned About Her 'Baby Bump'
Christina Aguilera insists that the stork will not be visiting her anytime soon.

LOS ANGELES - Christina Aguilera had just left a taping of the music reality show The Voice when she was met outside by a member of the Hollywood Press Corps.

Hacienda Dakota with Hollywood Vis-á-Vis managed to have a few words with the pleasantly plump Ms. Aguilera as she waited for the limo that was to transport her to her home.

Miss Dakota asked her how things went at the taping. Aguilera smiled politely and replied that they went well and that she is excited about possibly finding the next Justin Bieber or Selena Gomez.

Dakota then asked Aguilera to forgive her for asking but that thousands of fans had been wondering about her baby bump.

Christina's eyes got the size of ping pong balls. Her complexion turned pinkish, and her voice actually sounded like she was sort of growling.

After a few moments that really seemed like minutes, she angrily asked the reporter where in the world she had gotten such a ridiculous idea that she was pregnant.

Dakota did not back away from her question and replied that it is really no secret that she has recently put on quite a bit of weight.

She went on to say that there are those who are just naturally going to assume that the reason is either because she has developed Rosie O'Donnell's See It-Eat It dietary program or else she is with child.

Aguilera furiously remarked that she makes it a point never to mention Miss O'Donnell's name ever since last year when rotund Rosie remarked to Ellen DeGeneres that she (Aguilera) had lip synced on three of the songs of her last CD.

Miss Dakota realizing that Aguilera's car would soon be arriving mentioned that if she really wants to disprove the baby bump rumors that she had better make a statement addressing that matter because it is just not simply going to go away.

She pointed out that her failure to do so would most assuredly result in a lot of the entertainment publications such as Bedroom Pillow Talk, Tittle Tattle Tonight, iRumors, and Hollywood Innuendo picking up and running full tilt with the baby bump theme scenario.

Christina shook her head. She reached in her purse and popped an orange Tic Tac in her mouth. She then confessed to Miss Dakota that she is not pregnant and that the so-called baby bump is merely a direct result of her ingesting way too many midnight Hostess Twinkies.

Aguilera's black limo pulled up to the curb. And as she went to get in it, a Hostess Twinkie fell out of her coat pocket and landed on the sidewalk.

A red-faced Christina winked at Miss Dakota as the songstress bent down to pick it up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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