Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 9 February 2012

image for American Idol's Hollywood Week: Jim Carrey's Daughter Jane Carrey Is One of The First To Be Eliminated
A photo of Jane Carrey taken during American Idol's 'Hollywood Week.' (Photo by Steven Tyler).

HOLLYWOOD - Well viewers of American Idol, after having sat through auditions of what seemed to be about 1.3 million hopefuls, have finally gotten past the boring as hell part of the show.

Former American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi perhaps said it best a couple of years ago when she described the initial AI auditions as an organized crusade of thousands and thousands of singing hopefuls who really and truly need to let "Dream #1" go and start focusing on "Dream #2."

And so now 309 contestants who received their yellow tickets to Hollywood will stand up in front of the three judges, Randy "The Dawg" Jackson, Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez, and Steven "Lips" Tyler once more and try to keep from hearing those three little dreaded words, "No, no, and no."

The first day of Hollywood Week saw 68 of the "Dreamers" being told "Thanks, but I'm afraid, that this is the end of the musical road for you. The harmonious highway up a head is closed.

There is a big gigantic pitchy boulder sitting right smack dab in the middle of the road and it is marked, with the words 'So sorry, but your musical journey ends right here, right now. Nothing personal so please be open-minded about it and realize that it is just a simple matter of you just not being as good as your family, friends, bosses, co-workers, neighbors, teachers, wives, husbands, and or significant others have told you, you were.'"

Randy "The Dawg" Jackson remarked to Sangria Wine of TV ClickerWorld that the smart, mature ones will of course be disappointed but they will understand. The not-so-smart, immature ones will reduce themselves to begging and pleading for the judges to give them one more chance because they had a cold, or the hiccups, or athlete's foot, a headache, a stomach ache, an undescended tonsil, a missing vocal cord, or in the case of one Cordelia Lulu Ticonderoga, 29, of Boston, an extra toe on her right foot.

Jane Carrey, daughter of funny man Jim Carrey, was one of the first to be eliminated. Ryan Seacrest later said that he personally felt that it was not a good idea for Jane to have chosen to sing Francis Scott Keys "Hey, Has Anyone Seen My Three Pointed Hat?"

But Miss Carrey left with her head hung high. Perhaps everyone who gets cut should turn to Jane Carrey and adopt her attitude.

The young redhead, who is perhaps the most well-known of any American Idol contestant in its 11 year history, was naturally disappointed but she did not try and blame the judges, or make any excuses, or even try to suggest that she did not sing good because she was intimated by Steven Tyler's dirty old man lecherous stare.

Jane Carrey left with pride, dignity, and secure in the fact that perhaps, just perhaps she can follow in her famous daddy's footsteps and find a place in the world of comedy.

And who knows. Maybe she can become the next famous female stand up comic like Joan Rivers, but except without all of the nips, snips, clips, rips, tucks, lipo, collagen, botox, augmentations, enhancements, and that horrendously eerie space alien look.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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