PROVENCE, France - The Brad Pitt - Angelina Jolie relationship has turned into what France's Le News Agency is calling the biggest roller coaster ride from hell.
The sheer madness of the Pitt - Jolie coupling would even make the world's undisputed pogo stick champion Thelma "Bouncy" Wickwiggle, 24, of Rabbit Shuffle, North Carolina, dizzy from the ups and downs.
Gigi de Maupassant of Le News Agency stated that Brad and Angelina have reached the point in their relationship where they are either as high as the stars in outer space or as low as a West Virginia mine shaft.
The noted French writer commented that by all accounts it certainly appears that the SS Brangelina has hit an iceberg. She added that Brad, 48, is at his wit's end and he cannot put up with the childish, spoiled, self-centered, egotistical antics of the 36-year-old woman who snatched him away from America's sweetheart Jennifer Aniston.
De Maupassant revealed that Brad was to have dumped Jolie after the Christmas holidays, but he changed his mind after she informed him that she was pregnant.
But now, a very close friend of Brad's has stated that the star of the baseball film Moneyball informed him that he has reached the end of his rope and that he does not care if Jolie is carrying octuplets, he is seriously considering getting out of Dodge (Provence).
Even Brad's chauffeur Pierre "Speedy" Chevalier has said that Mr. Pitt seems to have forgotten how to smile. "Speedy" noted that his boss would always greet him with a high five and the latest Newt Gingrich joke but lately he just mumbles something about the much tattooed, big lipped so and so.
And truth be told, many of Brad's closet friends as well as his family members do not blame him one bit. They have all said that it is obvious that all Angelina does is provide him with nothing but tons and tons of stress.
They all say that Brad is much to nice a person to put up with the likes of the hot/cold, stifling antics of the woman that Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors once referred to as the tuna lipped screaming demon banshee from the demonic depths of horrendous hell.
One of Brad's old high school friends Morgan "Spitball" Muffinmeister noted that he has never seen his friend as uptight and as upset as he has been the past few months.
"Spitball" said that sad to say, Brad has gotten to the point where he hardly even recognizes his happy-go-lucky friend.
Even one of Brad's cousins Bartholomew P. Pitt has told him that it is as obvious as the humongous lips on Jolie's face that the hard-headed woman is just not going to change.
So everyone is urging him to simply step out of the horrific picture before the hopeless situation begins to affect his health and the well-being of the couples half dozen brats...ah make that kids.
De Maupassant tried to get a hold of Ms. Jolie to get her side of the story, but her publicist refused to let her speak saying that her most recent tattoo had become infected and she was taking medication that made her drowsy, listless, and unable to comprehend reality. Hmmm.
In Other News. Walmart is recalling all of its Gisele Bundchen Bobblehead Dolls and will bury them in an Arkansas landfill due to the mean-spirited, hateful, remarks that the Brazilian wife of quarterback Tom Brady made about the New England Patriot receivers.