Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 8 February 2012

image for Every Retail Store In America Expects To Sell Out of The DVD and Blu-Ray of "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I" Within 15 Minutes
A still photo of a scene from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I, just as dawn is breaking.

HOLLYWOOD - The much anticipated The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I, starring Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will hit the retail stores on Saturday.

Hollywood Innuendo is reporting that most of the nation's major retail store chains have hired extra security to deal with the onslaught of customers that are expected to invade the stores and snap up the DVDs and Blu-Rays within 15 minutes.

Winthrop Biffio, who manages the largest retail store in Cheyenne, Wyoming, The Kings Kastle, said that he is expecting 2.3 times as many people than they had during last year's Black Friday.

He has informed his security guards that if they see any customer with a can of pepper spray that the individual is to be asked to drop the can immediately or risk getting tasered.

Mr. Biffio said that he will not be putting up with the circus antics that the entire nation saw at a Porter Ranch, California retail store two and a half months ago.

A manager of a Tall Timber retail outlet in Walla Walla, Washington, Horace F. Fintyler, has stated that he has hired six retired United States Navy Seals who will form the first wave of his line of security.

He added that they have been instructed to do whatever they have to do to insure the safety of the law abiding Tall Timber customers.

Fintyler said that he and his wife Fayette saw The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I when it first came out a total of four times. He said that they really enjoyed the music, the scenery, and the hilarious knock knock jokes.

When asked what his favorite part of the film was he smiled and said that he really enjoyed the bar scene in which Taylor Lautner who stars as Jacob Black, turns to the circus clown sitting at the bar and tells him that he smells funny.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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