Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 7 February 2012

image for Simon Cowell brought in to approve new Spoofs
Simon Cowell showing how many thumbs a particular story is worth

Legendary evil bastard, Simon Cowell, has agreed to become the Spoof's number one story approver.

"It's been noted," said Cowell, "that there is a large number of stories coming into the Spoof that fail on some very basic criteria. Up until now people have been too nice toward these people."

Cowell has a great deal of respect for Mark Lowton, editor, creator and technical genius behind the Spoof.

"Mark's a freakin genius," said Cowell. "I could never do what he does. And nor would I want to. It's been realised that he's just too damn nice. What the Spoof needs is some downright nastiness, and that's where I come in."

Cowell will be responsible for looking at every Spoof that is written for publication on the site, and will respond with either a 'yes, you're through' or a 'no, this piece of crap isn't worth the paper it's printed on, and it's not even printed on paper' or some other such cutting and pithy remark.

Cowell is a famous face across the world precisely because people love to hear his put-downs and one-liners. It is hoped that this universal love for his evilness will lessen the blow when a prospective Spoofer gets a rejection slip telling them that 'grammar isn't optional, it's a damn right human right', or that 'the point of a site is to be humorous, thought provoking or satirical, and this story only provokes the thought that the satire and humour are lacking - try much much harder'.

"I'm hoping that there will be plenty of Spoofs about me," he said. "I really know how to laugh at myself. I got taught that by the rest of the world."

Cowell has already produced a long list of pithy put downs and hopes to be able to use them all. He is especially looking forward to putting down Americans, which is a personal hobby of his.

"I'm really looking forward to the challenge," said Cowell. "I've been told that there's a million bonus a week just for me doing this. You can never be too rich."

Make IainB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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