Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 20 February 2012

image for The Joan Rivers and Chelsea Handler Feud Is Getting Downright Nasty!
Chelsea Handler shown without lipstick. (Photo by Kobe Bryant).

HOLLYWOOD - Joan Rivers recently said that if Chelsea Handler wants to get into a catfight with her then she will find out exactly how viciously mean a Yiddish cat can really be.

The woman who has more plastic in her body than a whole platoon of little boys toy soldiers loves nothing more than getting into a down and dirty battle and employing some of the most vulgar euphemisms in the civilized world.

New comer Chelsea Handler has really gotten to Joan "The Moan" with her attacks on the woman who she says is so old she once dated Francis Scott Key, the man who wrote the music and lyrics to The Star Spangled Banner.

Rivers has remarked that Chelsea's 'landing strip' is something that one would only really ever find in an underdeveloped third world nation.

She went on to say that Handler has demonstrated by her sarcastically imbecilic comments that she is certainly getting her daily recommended allowance of stupidity.

Handler recently told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle that if they ever do a remake of ET, Rivers could play the little space alien without having to have anything added to her face.

Chelsea even took a shot at Joan's plain-looking daughter Melissa by saying that she looks like she could run in the Kentucky Derby.

Melissa who takes after her mother showed her fangs and said that Chelsea Handler looks like a Bourbon Street drag queen except that Handler has a deeper voice, a little more facial hair, and a Jon Gosselin-looking winky wink (wiggle widget).

In other news. Sarah "The Loose Moose" Palin, who has said that she will not run for president was recently seen at a print shop in Wasilla, Alaska where she had placed an order for 900 'Sarah Palin In 2012' campaign signs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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