Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 4 February 2012

image for Local Man Supports Cher Lloyd In The Sun's 'Target A Troll' Campaign
A Troll Caught On CCTV In Shuttlecock's Back Garden By The Dead Gazebo

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, 29, a dashingly handsome south coast based spear fisherman (Not true on any count - Ed) today announced his full backing for the Sun newspaper's online 'Target A Troll' campaign.

"I'm all for it," Shuttlecock told reporters.

Shuttlecock's endorsement of the campaign came about after he read on The Sun's website that Cher Lloyd had been targeted by internet trolls, and subjected to unacceptable slurs and comments.

Cher, who is only 18, understandably took some of the nasty comments to heart, and was reported to be 'upset and confused' by the level of nastiness aimed in her direction from people she doesn't even know.

Shuttlecock claimed that he was ready to offer the Malvern born Swagger Jagger singer all the experience he has accumulated over a lengthy period of internet involvement, and all the support he can offer, in order to make her life more tolerable.

"It's got to a point where I'm bulletproof," Shuttlecock told reporters. "I've been stalked by trolls meself, but I just laugh at them, because I haven't been beaten by one yet. They're just mugs, truth to tell. Lonely nobodies. It can be hurtful for a young girl like Cher, especially when the taunts become threats, involving violence, legal action, and possible imprisonment. That sort of thing must be daunting for a young girl on the cusp of stardom, and Cher has my sympathy. My advice would be for her to not, under any circumstances, respond. Trolls feed on reactions, and as my boss, Mark, who pays me nothing, often says 'Do Not Feed The Trolls.' In fact, I'm being trolled right now, as we speak, and the idiot doing it has the arrogance to think I have no idea who it is. The reality of it is that I know exactly who it is. These trolls leave a trail, like snails, and patterns aren't too difficult to recognise. I might even splash the troll's name on the Sun's website. That'd be really funny. And to Cher, I'd say, don't worry love - they can hide - but they aren't very good at it."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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