Madonna has reportedly bought Malawi and is in meetings at present to discuss the best way available to dismantle the country and ship it across the Atlantic. Then the complicated task of rebuilding the new Malawi will begin, including a new name. "Madonnalawi" will see a modern rail network, 10 hospitals and 93 new schools on her Texas ranch.
The Queen of pop has even ensured that all the animals of Malawi were captured at the same time as the people. They will be shipped over in an Ark that once belonged to drug abuser and alleged paedophile, Michael Jackson. Jackson, the Peter Pan of pop, who died because of his inabilty to hire a proper doctor, had the Ark in dry dock in Neverland and was awaiting God's warning of a flood. It was rumoured that Bubbles was capable of navigation by the stars, so Jacko could spend those long and lazy evenings below deck, snuggled up with a few lucky, young male fans.
Madonna's personal assistant read out this statement,
"Madonna has always strived to be groundbreaking and as righteous as Bono, so in an era where now everyone, even Brangelina has an African child, she had to think how she could do more for Malawi. The solution was by owning it.
As from last Tuesday 31st January, Madonna has been the owner of Malawi and after lengthy consideration, has decided the problem with Malawi is the climate. Therefore she has arranged for Malawi to be moved to a more temperate zone, that is her ranch in Texas.
The Madonnalawis will be repatriated village by village, along with the wild animals. Early forecasts indicate the eco-system will be self sustaining within 18 months. This is though, a very complicated and extremely difficult undertaking and some fatalities are to be expected. Madonna thanks you for your time"