Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 5 February 2012

image for A Very Depressed Jennifer Aniston Fears That Justin Theroux Is Getting Ready To Dump Her
Jennifer Aniston cannot understand why guys seem to suddenly lose interest in her after they hit several home runs.

OXNARD, California - Jennifer Aniston had driven up the Pacific Coast Highway to Oxnard to visit one of her favorite cousins Melba Toastowitz.

As the two cousins sat in Melba's backyard listening to a CD by The Who Jennifer turned to Melba and asked her what she thought was the matter with her.

Melba looked at the gorgeously stunning Aniston in stunned disbelief.

"What in the world are you talking about cuzz?" She asked.

Jennifer, who will turn 43 on February 11, smiled softly and told her that she has a sneaky suspicion that her boyfriend Justin Theroux may be getting ready to leave her.

Melba asked her what gave her that idea.

And Aniston merely replied by saying the word "History."

She said that she just seems to not have any luck when it comes to having guys stick around. She said that getting a guy is really no problem - but getting them to stay is another story all together.

Jennifer, who was wearing a tiny pink halter top and a pair of Daisy Duke short shorts, stood up and asked Melbita as their grandmother Beulah calls her, if she could see anything wrong with her.

Melba smiled and shook her head.

"Are both my boobs even?" Jen asked.

"Ah...yes" came the reply from her cousin.

Jennifer then turned around.

"How about my butt? Does it appear to look normal?"

And again Melba responded by saying yes and adding that she wishes that her butt looked half as good as hers.

Melba admitted to Jen that she has hated her butt ever since her fourth boyfriend Julio Atascadero, Jr. made her get that stupid looking tattoo of Ecuador.

Aniston laughed and asked her to explain.

Melba said that when she was dating Atascadero, an Ecuadorian exchange student back in 1999, that one day after an afternoon of tossing down a whole bunch of Corona Lights down at Santa Monica Beach that he suggested that they go to a tattoo parlor and that she get a tattoo of his native country Ecuador tattooed on her ass.

Melba said that at first she resisted but after he put his hands on her tata's and made a whole bunch of circular motions she gave in saying that she would go ahead and get Ecuadoralized (sic).

And so they walked happily over to Pancho & Poncho's Tattoo Parlor. And 45 minutes later she walked out with a tattoo of Ecuador that covered both sides of her caboose, as they call the butt in South Dakota.

Jennifer told her that she felt sorry for her but politely asked if they could possibly get back to her and her fear that she would be getting dumped by Justin soon.

Melba told her that she just has to go with the flow and realize and accept the fact, that like Doris Day said back in 1956, if it is meant to be it will be and if it not meant to be then it won't be and que sera sera whatever will be will be the future's not ours to see que sera sera.

Aniston smiled as she took a swig from her Broccoli Margarita and told Melba that she is lucky to have her as a cousin. Melba smiled, gave her a great big hug, and asked her if she could borrow $700.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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