Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 3 February 2012

image for X-Factor's Simon Cowell Trying To Lure Ryan Seacrest Away From American Idol
Simon Cowell admits to having a five-pack a day cigarette habit. (Photo courtesy of Piers Morgan).

LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell, AKA "The British Bulldog" and X-Factor mogul says that the reason he fired Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger, and Steve Jones is simply because they just didn't bring their "A" game.

Cowell who many say has the Midas Touch when it comes to television reality shows is one individual who knows what he wants and he gets it.

The black T-shirt wearing entrepreneur also knows what he wants his employees to be and they had better darn well get with the program or they'll find themselves out in the street heading for the nearest unemployment office.

Pico de Gallo, senior reporter with Tittle Tattle Tonight asked Cowell if he had considered who he would be replacing Abdul and Scherzinger with.

The "The Viceroy of Venom" simply smiled as he took a puff from his ever-present Marlboro cigarette.

Cowell who sports a 60s crew cut raised his eyebrows and said that he has been in talks with one very popular singer whom he would like to see take one of the two available female judges spots.

When de Gallo asked Cowell who the new possible judge would be he just grinned and remarked that he would not be releasing that information just yet.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I put in a call to my fine friend Larry King. I asked him if he knew which singer Cowell was considering to replace Nicole. King did not miss a beat and replied, that it was none other than Mrs. Nick Cannon, or as she is more commonly known Mariah Carey.]

Mr. de Gallo then asked the Englishman who owns a $1 million Bugatti Veyron if he had any idea who he would be replacing Steve Jones with.

Simon smiled and shook his head no. He then took another puff of his Marlboro cigarette and made a quick phone call to his fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy.

After she told him to be sure and pick up some milk, bread, and condoms on the way home he divulged that he is seriously trying to lure Ryan Seacrest away from American Idol.

Pico de Gallo's mouth dropped, "Really Cowell?" de Gallo asked very surprised. "So you are actually trying to steal Seacrest away from American Idol?"

"Say there Pico old chap." Simon remarked taking a sip of his Coors Beer. "I do not have to steal anyone away from anybody. I am Simon "Midas Touch" Cowell, and if I want something or someone, all I have to do is get it or them."

De Gallo grinned and gave Cowell a high five.

Simon then told him that all this talking had made him hungry and he asked de Gallo to accompany him to The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse in Beverly Hills.

In other news. Heidi Klum has flat out stated that she was not the older blonde woman that was seen walking hand-in-hand with Kanye West along the beach at Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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