Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 2 February 2012

image for Heidi Montag Confesses That Being A Sex Symbol Has Its Negative Sides
Heidi Montag has admitted that she paid for all of her 39 plastic surgeries with a plastic credit card.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Heidi Montag recently stated that she knew she had made the "Big Time" last year when she appeared in Staccato Monteverdi's The Naked Cougar of Cucamonga with Rob Pattinson.

Montag was talking to Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk and she told her that after one particular long day of shooting which had started at 5 a.m. and ended at 11 p.m. that she and RPattz had dinner in his movie trailer.

Heidi said that the Twilight star had invited her to see his Bob Dylan CD collection and to make him a nice meal, which Montag was only too glad to do.

She cooked Rob's favorite dish of baby back ribs with diet Pocatello potatoes and oval carrot balls on the side.

Montag divulged that Rob talked about the days shooting and how amazed he was that Heidi actually does her own stunts.

He told her that in his movie career he did have a scene in which he fought with a declawed French Poodle but he said that he was amazed to see Heidi fighting with an adult ten-foot alligator.

Heidi said that it was really no big deal and the trick is just to make sure that you do not make eye contact with the gator otherwise the ball game will suddenly be over and it isn't going to be pretty.

Miss Chipotle asked Heidi how it felt being named one of "The Top Five Sexiest Women In America" by Balls Illustrated Sports Magazine.

She blushed a little and said that she was both thrilled, honored, and excited beyond belief.

Chipotle informed her that, that was three things and not two. Heidi grinned and said that it showed first hand just how thrilled, honored, and excited beyond belief she actually was.

Montag then told her that she wanted to reveal a very personal thing to her. The BPT reporter quipped that she was all ears.

Heidi then told her that sometimes being a sex symbol can have its negative sides.

"Such as what?" Chipotle asked with an astounded look of astonishment.

"Well for instance" Montag explained, "There is no way that I can go shopping at a grocery store such as Safeway, Kroger, or HEB because I would get surrounded by other shoppers before I had even managed to put the first two food items in my shopping cart."

The woman who has had at least 40 plastic surgeries added that she can also forget about going to the beach because the last time she went swimming down at Santa Monica Beach she got surrounded by at least 19 guys and the ocean waves could not even get to her.

Heidi says that she fully understands that it is just a happy curse and that it comes with the territorial territory. She grinned as she kissed her right index finger, touched her hip, and made a sizzling sound.

SIDENOTE: Ms. Montag did verify the fact that she has personally been invited by Vice-President Joe Biden to be his special guest at a White House Dinner in honor of the plastic industry.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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