Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 1 February 2012

image for Taylor Swift Halts Her Concert After Two Jerks Hit Her Guitar With Red Laser Beams
This is the guitar that Taylor was playing when it was hit with two laser beams in Green Bay. (Photo by Aaron Rodgers).

GREEN BAY - Taylor Swift was in the middle of her concert performance at The Cheddar Cheese Convention Center in Green Bay when she suddenly stopped singing and playing in the middle of a song.

The 22-year-old country songstress had just gone into the second verse of her hit "Teardrops On My Guitar" when she looked down and saw two red laser beams shinning on the frets of her guitar.

Taylor got on the microphone and asked the audience to please point out to the security personnel which two individuals had hit her guitar with their lasers.

The jubilant crowd immediately pointed to two male indivduals who were sitting next to each other in the sixth row.

One was wearing a fuchsia cowboy hat and looked a little bit like Lyle Lovett except only shorter, dorkier, and a lot more effeminate looking.

He was wearing a lavender Kanye Knows Hip Hoppin' T-shirt and magenta pants that had more holes in them than a slice of Wisconsin Swiss cheese.

The other jerk was wearing a Green Bay Packers helmet, yes amazingly enough an actual football helmet, with blue jeans sporting a Sponge Bob Square Pants logo on each of the two back pockets.

Both clowns were apprehended and escorted out of the convention center. As they were being led away, the helmeted fool yelled out that this was America and that he should have the right to shine his laser on a guitar if he feels like it.

The security guard reportedly told him to shut up. The fruit cake made the same statement again and this time the guard threatened to taser him if he said one more word.

The dip stick raised his hand and began to speak and all of a sudden -

Bzzzzzt! Bzzzzzt!, the security guard hit him twice with his taser gun.

Well all of a sudden "Helmet Boy" fell to the floor and started flopping around looking like a big old porpoise out of water.

He was yelling and screaming like a crazed banshee. Taylor got on the microphone and told the cheering crowd that the little fella sounded like X-Factor's 13-year-old Rachel Crow.

As soon as "Helmet Boy" recovered he was picked up by six security guards and put in a Green Bay police squad car.

Taylor smiled and replied, "Betcha Flipper don't do no more LA-SER-ING."

The crowd erupted in a chant of "TAY-LOR! TAY-LOR! TAY-LOR!"

In a related story. Taylor says she wants everyone to know that she has not given GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum permission to use her 2009 hit song "Fearless" at his political rallies and that he will stop using it immediately or else get his (blank) sued.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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