Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 27 January 2012

image for Justin Bieber Performs Michael Jackson, James Brown Rolls Over in Grave
The stage was silent after Bieber's moon walk.

Attempting to honor the legendary Michael Jackson at an event in Grauman's Chinese Theater, Justin Bieber performed a tribute moon walk and crotch-grab while elsewhere, rumblings were heard deep beneath the ground at James Brown's resting place.

Critics of the performance gave Bieber his due as a talented singer, but left the rest of their compliments at the door. "On the surface, the boy can sing", says Motown Records talent agent Maury Shoenstein, "but he's still a blonde teenage white boy from Canada. Soul? The boy hasn't lived long enough or suffered enough hardship to even spell the word".

Though by all accounts Bieber meant well and performed adequately, the rumblings at The James Brown Mausoleum were making news as well. Passers by report hearing muffled words coming from the ground in time with the ground shake, including phrases like, "It's a man's world", "That's super bad", and "I'm in a cold sweat".

The two events remained uncoupled until Beiber's entourage reported Justin being awakened by nightmares after his L.A. performance. Bieber apparently jumped out of bed screaming, "Get up off of that thing". The next morning, Bieber's agent announced that Justin would no longer cover songs from R&B or Soul performers until at least his 40th birthday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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