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Wednesday, 25 January 2012

image for Harry Stiles from One Direction confirms age gap in love affair too big
Chardonnay Chavsky gets huffy. Innit. Like.

It was confirmed today by One Direction member Harry Styles himself that he concedes his love affair with an older woman might not be the best thing for him.

He said that touring the country with the new woman in his life meant that they had to constantly make room for wheelchairs, Zimmer frames, defibrulators and heart pills in the back of the van, something the other members of the group were beginning to resent.

He said that he thought as they didn't play their own instruments (or write their own songs), there was plenty of room in their Y-registered white Transit as they toured the country with Simon Cowell behind in his gold Rolls Royce Phantom, but he felt he had to go by majority decision.

While fellow group member Zayn Malik was sympathetic, even though he couldn't spell the word, he felt that Harry's Girlfriend, Kim Novak, was, at 78, not only a little on the old side for him, but was bringing down the credibility of the group as babe-magnets.

Even the fans are becoming a little tetchy. Chardonnay Chavsky, a 16 year-old professional mobile phone text messager with spectacularly large breasts who wants to have Harry's child said "I is let down like, innit. I crucially like need the Harry, innit like, as he was to do me to have a sprog, like, innnit and I could get all of the benefits and maintenance innit. Now, like, with the grandma in tow like, it's all gone absolutely. Like. Innit. Tits up like."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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