Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 21 January 2012

image for A Heartbroken Kate Gosselin Begs Steven Tyler To Take Her Back
Kate shown wearing a $900 bikini swimsuit that Steven Tyler gave her for Christmas.

READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin the star of two cancelled reality shows Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Kate Plus 8, says that having had those two shows cancelled was nowhere near as hurtful as having Steven Tyler break up with her.

Gosselin sat in her home wearing a pair of Daisy Duke shorts, white sandals, and a number 00 Philadelphia 76ers basketball jersey while talking to Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk.

She expressed how sad and depressed she is at having been dumped by the American Idol Judge and Aerosmith lead singer and that she has sent him 19 text messages begging him to take her back.

Kate "The Great" as Tyler called her told Miss Chipotle that she had no idea that Stevie, as she called Tyler, had been planning on breaking up with her since a few days after Christmas.

She said that he always used to tell her that she was the complete package and that their belly bumpin sessions made him scream out with joyous satisfaction but on the inside of course.

Kate confided to Miss Chipotle that "Lips" also used to tell her that she was the best looking 36-year-old MILF that he had ever seen.

Tyler who is 63, and Gosselin quickly saw their May-December relationship appear on countless covers of many celebrity magazines including Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine, TV ClickerWorld, and Left Coast Mirror Magazine.

Their May-December romance even eclipsed the relationships of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith, Jennifer Lopez and Caspar Smart, and Madonna and whoever her boy-toy flavor of the month is this month.

Chipotle asked Kate point blank what in the world happened. She wondered why did the infamous rock and roller known as "The Screamin' Demon" decide to end his relationship with the mother of eight who was 27 years younger than him.

The Bedroom Pillow Talk reporter smiled and asked if perhaps the eight kids might have been the determining factor.

She mentioned to Kate that Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight had revealed that Tyler had said that the last straw for him came when he was visiting Gosselin in her Pennsylvania home recently.

He related that he looked out the living room window and he saw three of Kate's eight kids on top of his brand new white Lamborghini armed with red permanent Sharpie pens and drawing smiley faces on the car.

Tyler said when he brought it to Kate's attention she just shook her head and began crying. She remarked that if he really loved her that it would not have mattered since it is just a car.

Kate then said she loved Steven so much that she had even agreed to get a tummy tuck, a uvula circumcision, a nipple realignment, and her vagina vajazzled.

She then looked out the window and whispered that at his insistence she had also gotten a tattoo of a microphone on her hooha (playpen).

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up Larry King and I asked him if he knew why Tyler had dumped Gosselin. King said that the last straw, like Tyler said, was certainly the Lamborghini-Sharpie Pens incident but there were three other significant factors that came into play. One, he just got tired of putting up with Kate's roller coaster mood swings. Two, He got fed up with her merry-go-round personality. And three, He could no longer take her incessant tilt-a-world emotional flare-ups.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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