Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 20 January 2012

image for Johnny Depp and Lindsay Lohan To Star In "Chicken of The Sea - The Story of The Captain of The Costa Concordia Francesco Schettino"
The Costa Concordia in the background with a boat of illegal aliens from Libya in the foreground. (Photo by Sasha Obama).

HOLLYWOOD - The star of The Pirates of The Caribbean series Johnny Depp has just been cast to portray Italian cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino AKA Captain Crunch.

The movie titled Chicken of The Sea - The Story of The Captain of The Costa Concordia Francesco Schettino will also star Lindsay Lohan as the captain's very close friend [wink-wink] Domnica "The Birthday Girl" Cermotan, 25.

Miss Cermotan a native of Moldova amazingly has defended the Captain by saying that he is a hero because he saved over 3,000 lives.

Just exactly how in the world of whales the ditzy Domnica figures Captain Coward saved anyone when he jumped, or fell as he says, into a lifeboat abandoning his ship and its entire crew and passengers is beyond comprehension.

Of course Miss Cermotan, who was celebrating her birthday, fails to understand the fact that if the Captain of the ill-fated Costa Concordia, [Pronounced: TI-TAN-IC] had been doing his job instead of playing 'you touch mine and I'll touch yours, with the sensuously sultry sea nymph the 3,000 passengers would have been safe and sound and would not have needed to have been saved.

The Costa Concordia is a 1,000 foot long, 112,000 ton ship that never should have even come close to the rocks of Giglio Island, which was named after Gino Giglio the Italian inventor of grapes.

The maritime motion picture is being directed by the award-winning Monteverdi Brothers, Amaretto and Staccato. The Monteverdi's have hired a total of 178 of the Costa Concordia's crew to be film consultants.

Staccato Monteverdi informed Cahoots Wyoming of Silver Screen Magazine that he has talked with a representative of the ship's owners The Singing Siren of The Sea Cruise Lines and they have agreed to cooperate with the making of the motion picture.

A spokesperson for The Singing Siren of The Sea identified as, Enrico "Fettuccine" Alfredolini stated that he will personally be providing the movie production company with the actual blueprints of the ship, photos of the ship during construction, a 20-foot long toy model, and a video montage of the 19 commercials that have been filmed on the ship including three for Veni Vidi Vici Wine.

Amaretto Monteverdi said that Captain Schettino called him about the possibility of him portraying himself in the film.

Monteverdi said that after he stopped laughing 9 minutes later, he heard Schettino remark, "I guess datsa no huh?"

The movie will be filmed off the coast of Catalina Island in California which bears a striking resemblance to Giglio Island except that Catalina Island does not have any olive oil trees, pizza plants, or Gorgonzola bushes.

Other Motion Pictures By The Monteverdi Brothers -

  • Revenge of The Vajazzled Vixens
  • Attack of The Cucumber Vampires From Hell
  • Dictators Without Borders
  • The Vampire Diet

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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