Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 20 January 2012

image for Stacy Keibler To Star In "Orgasmic Tennis Court Grunting - The Maria Sharapova Story"
Stacy playing tennis with boyfriend George Clooney at Derek Hough's "Casa Cha Cha Cha."

HOLLYWOOD - Lions Door Pictures in association with Tri-Moon Films has just announced that noted director Bellanino Terrabini will be directing Stacy Keibler in the tennis film Orgasmic Tennis Court Grunting - The Maria Sharapova Story.

The title of the film is taken from the fact that Sharapova, 24, has a unique scream which she emits when she hits the tennis ball that can best be described as sounding like the orgasmic grunt of a banshee in heat.

The horrendous grunt has been clocked at a volume of 101 decibels or even louder than one of Steven Tyler's lyrical screams.

The motion picture which is based on the life of the great Russian born tennis champion will be filmed on location in Calcutta, India; Nairobi, Kenya; and Des Moines, Iowa, an American town in the Midwest which very much resembles London, home of the Wimbledon Tennis Championship Tournament.

Bellanino said that George Clooney's girlfriend Stacy Keibler was chosen to portray the 6-foot-2-inch tennis star because she herself is very tall and just like Sharapova, Keibler has legs that go pretty much from her ankles to just below her belly button.

The noted Italian director was asked by Dylan Fresco of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis if the fact that he is very good fiends with George Clooney had anything to do with Stacy getting the part.

Terrabini, in broken English, replied that the fact that he is very good friends with Clooney and that the actor once lent him $30,000 back in 2002, had positively nothing whatsoever to do with his casting of Keibler to star as Sharapova.

The award-winning director stated that the resemblance between the two women is amazing and he then noted that the only three other actresses that he had even considered to play Sharapova were Sandra Bullock, Kim Kardashian, and Sofia Vergara.

Bullock was rejected because she was too old (47), Kardashian was rejected because her butt was extremely gigantic, and Vergara was rejected for three reasons; her tata's were way too big and she has one hell of a Colombian accent.

FOOTNOTE: The motion picture will have its premier in Bowling Green, Kentucky, at The Horsefeathers Movie Theater in April on Friday the 13th, which is National Tennis Ball Day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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