Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 19 January 2012

image for American Idol's Steven Tyler Finally Admits That It's True, He Has Dumped Kate Gosselin
Steven says that Kate (in photo) is 36, but she has the body of a 26-year-old except for her knees. (Photo by Ryan Seacrest).

SAVANNAH, Georgia - American Idol Judge Steven Tyler was in town to help judge the auditions of over 10,000 individuals who all insist that they will be the next American Idol.

Tyler arrived in the city with the Southern belle's name in grand style wearing a maroon feathered hat that looked like it could have come from Elton John's closet.

But Steven, unlike Elton, can wear an ultra feminine hat like that and still look masculine, whereas Mrs. David Furnish, (Elton) could be wearing an NFL Baltimore Ravens football uniform complete with helmet and football cleats and he would still look as unmanly as that blonde fruit cup Andy Dick or that prancing exercise guru Richard Simmons.

Steven was asked by Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight about the rumor regarding him and Kate Gosselin.

Tyler made a face and remarked to Miss Swizzle that the rumor was in fact true. He stated that he had decided to dump Kate thus ending one of America's most noted May-December relationships.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Steven Tyler is 63, and Kate Gosselin is 36, a difference of 27 years.]

Miss Swizzle asked him what had happened since the two seemed to get along marvelously and were literally seen together from Malibu Beach down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and the Hollywood Hills over to St. Barts in the Caribbean.

Tyler smiled. He put down his bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila and replied that his relationship with Kate was great. He then confessed that the problem was with Kate's eight brats or rather children.

Steven took two big sips of his Jose Cuervo and commented, "Swizzy, I have never known a more disrespectful, misbehaved band of heathens, ah kids, in my entire life and that includes Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's half dozen brats, ah kids."

He then divulged that he hated to dump Kate because as far as the horizontal tangoing went she was up there with the likes of former lovers Erin Brady, Carly Simon, and ex-wife Teresa Barrick.

Tyler said that the last straw came when he was visiting Gosselin in her Reading, Pennsylvania home and he looked out the window and saw three of Kate's kids whom he identified as Joel, Collin, and Hanna, on top of his lily white Lamborghini and drawing smiley faces on it with red permanent Sharpie pens.

SIDENOTE: The February issue of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue will have a story by Tilapia Frisbee in which Kate Gosselin at one point tried to get Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to adopt her eight kids.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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