Written by TAR
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Topics: Paula Deen

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

image for Paula Deen Keeps On 'Whiskin'
'Y'all Get A Fork'

There are some things Paula Deen doesn't plan on giving up, like food, food, glorious food.

But as the celebrity chef reaches out to her adorable fans she admits there is one huge indulgence she's had to completely eliminate from her diet.

"I gave up sweet tea. Y'all was not easy for a Southern belle to quit cold turkey," Deen, tells Darla Witzenhausen, rogue food editor for TMZ. "Y'all I would start drinking my sweet tea at lunch time, and I would drink it up 'til I went to bed-die byes. It was well, y'all staggering how much I pee peed  in empty calories just from drinking my damn sweet tea." 

"Listen girls, also on the chopping block: white products but not black...LMAO, which I am swapping for other high energy low cal treats. Y'all I don't eat as much buttery cake as I would like too," she adds.  "Y'all Getting Horned Up Yet?" Paula winks.

Outside the kitchen, Deen says she exercises like crazy on a treadmill every day, and she prefers to work dare I say naaaked as a sweaty blue jay in hot, hot Savannah.

"I have to learn on my own that I'm responsible for my lil'ol tush, not a hot hungry trainer, although the thought of it makes me crave dark, dark chocolate with 70% cocoa," she says. "It's something girls, you gotta just pull up the o'l leather bootstraps, bend over backwards if you can and do yourself some darn lovin good." 

Deen also wants to reach out to her sweet darlin fans across the nation. 

"I want to try to get across moderation y'all," she says. "My angel fans see me oodles of times a day on national TV, watching me cook my glorious Southern food, and it's hard for them to realize that's only a few days out of the year that I film those wonderful 'lovin from the oven' wholesome shows. So that leaves a whoppin 336 days left in year that I'm not eating those rib stickin, mouth waterin, lip smacking foods at all, y'all." 

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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