HOLLYWOOD - Initially used to strategically cover the two and a half men located between a gentleman's legs during Medieval times, the codpiece is now being used by both male and female entertainers attempting to embellish the size of their reproductive gear while performing on stage.
While neither something old nor something new, it appears that Lady Gaga and Madonna have declared unconventional codpiece war on each other. Although it is doubtful that either is equipped with the requisite pair of balls and bat, they both have a fashionably large mons veneris, the rounded eminence of fatty tissue upon the pubic symphysis that passes for part of their own reproductive gear.
This past December I read that Lady Gaga had been stopped while going through security at LAX; the culprit that set off the alarm, a titanium codpiece that a wily agent dutifully removed from her while muff-diving in a curtained-off inspection area. A week later, a New York scandal mag reported that Madonna had assaulted A-Rod with a Tiffany designed sterling silver codpiece after finding out that he had been playing a double-header on her while on a Chicago road-trip.
Thanks to an unusually slow week in Washington in which Obama didn't do his usual John Wayne impersonation by taking out Osama bin Laden, this is what passes for news.
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