Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 9 January 2012

image for Joey the War Horse weeps buckets at being made to sit next to feckless royals
Sodding popcorn...

London - The star of the Steven Spielberg movie premiering in London's Leicester Square last night sobbed uncontrollably in the three-and-sixpennies before being comforted by Kate Capshaw.

"My wife noticed these huge tears rolling down the whorse's face," the director told UK TV breakfast news.

"Next thing I know she's passing it a hanky and asking ushers to remove the sodding - er...sodden! - popcorn carton."

Cinema staff reckon the poor beast had an allergic reaction to something - or someone! - and blamed a pungent cheap fragrance thought to be Elizabeth Taylor's White Blood Diamonds that was wafting from the royals.

Afterwards at the post-premiere piss-up 'the nag got a bit tipsy' and had to be escorted to the Gents where CCTV was keeping a close lookout for any illicit powder sniffing.

"He's always a bit tired and emotional, like," head groom Willy Furlong said today, "probably because of being spurned for the Equus lead role.

"Should have seen him at the National Velvet all-nighter last November, almost as bad as the Seabiscuit first night."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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