Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 9 January 2012

image for Bristol Palin Is Depressed - She Leaves Arizona And Returns To Daddy and Mommy Palin's Home In Alaska
Bristol Palin on her way to check the mail in her mom and dads mailbox at Casa Moscow.

WASILLA, Alaska - Bristol Palin, the eldest daughter of Todd and "Snowflake" Palin really and truly believed that when she finished in third place on Dancing With The Stars that she was going to have all kinds of doors open up to her.

Well "Shotgun" Sarah's daughter could not have been more farther from the truth. And in fact as Tapioca Swizzle with Tittle Tattle Tonight reported, doors were actually closed shut in her face.

As one Hollywood publicist who has represented the likes of Brenda Song, Boo Boo Stewart, and Ke$ha, pointed out 21-year-old Bristol Palin turned out to be just too much of a free-spirited loose cannon like her mom Sarah "Reindeer Balls" Palin.

The publicist identified as Arcadia F. Snickersett, went on to say that Bristol "The Pistol" as her moose-hunting mom called her developed an effen diva attitude that even friggin prima donna's who have been around for ten years do not possess.

Miss Swizzle noted that the problem was Bristol was that she actually believed that since she keep on getting voted to stay on Dancing With The Stars that it was because she was a fantastic dancer.

Her partner Mark Ballas even pointed out to TV ClickerWorld's Achtung Zumwalt, "Bristol does not realize it but she actually has about as much natural rhythm as a yellow number two lead pencil."

Ballas went on to say that the only reason why Miss Palin stayed on the show so long was because of the tremendous influence that her mom carried with The Tea Bag Party crowd.

Mark says that he heard from a very reliable source that Mrs. Palin had asked every member to please vote for her little Bristy and to vote often, even 100 times if possible; and many did just that.

Even Mark's best friend Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough, Cheryl Cole's former boyfriend, remarked that after the show in which Mark and Bristol danced in gorilla outfits that right there that embarrassing junglesque spectacle should have been enough to have gotten her butt voted off the show.

The entertainment news agency iRumors is reporting that a very depressed Bristol Palin has sold her Maricopa, Arizona home and she and her 3-year-old son Tripp are moving back with her parents into their Wasilla, Alaska home, Casa Moscow.

The word is that "Mama Moose" did not like the fact that Bristy was dating fellow Dancing With The Stars contestant Kyle Massey, who is overweight.

FOOTNOTE: Sarah Palin has already helped Bristol find a job. She will be working in a gynecologist's office as an assistant sponger.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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