Written by Karen Fish
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Thursday, 5 January 2012

image for Russell Brand Blames 2012 Mayan Apocalypse for Katy Perry Divorce

A horse is a horse of course of course and nobody can talk to a horse of course, go right to the source and ask the horse, He'll give you the answer that you'll endorse, He's always on a steady course, Talk to Mr. Ed!

According to Judd Apatow producer of 'Get Him to the Greek' Katy Perry's lack of acting talent or a sense of humor and automatic monotonous bedroom behavior had nothing to do with the Katy Perry Russell Brand divorce. According to Apatow the reason that Russell Brand is divorcing Katy Perry is the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse not the $20 million he stands to sponge from her for the one year nuptials.

According to Katy Perry's BFF Rihanna the fact that Russell Brand is still banging smack and his penchant for back door excitement had nothing to do with why Katy Perry blew off the low life scum bag. Rihanna said that her BFF blew off Brand because the fireworks just were not there for her anymore. Russell stayed up all night googling the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse and a woman has needs.

The year is 2012. Are we there yet? The Mayan Apocalypse is scheduled for Dec. 20, 2012. Russell Brand studied hieroglyphics in order to read the Maya Codices, books. Brand was especially interested in the Howler Monkey God, the Maya God of music and many speculate that this was his reason for marrying Perry; this and their shared love of Perry Mason reruns.

Raymond Burr was the star of 'Perry Mason' and 'Please Murder Me.' Clarence Darrow defended a teacher charged with teaching evolution as opposed to creationism in the Scopes Monkey Trial. The teacher was convicted and ordered to stay away from Lindsay Lohan. Brand met Lohan in rehab and they share the same fascination with the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse.

Said Lohan: "Who really cares about addiction if the world is going to end in 11 months? It won't matter who wins the Presidency because the new President will never see January 2013 anyways."

Russell Brand chimed in: "People say that I'm stupid. I'm not really. I'm just not that interested in staying faithful while I'm dying of AIDS is all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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