Written by Jaggedone
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Topics: Vinnie Jones, GBH

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

image for Vinnie Jones shows the world how to apply CPR and then GBH to cardiac arrest patients!
Wimbledon Vinnie in his hey-day, kicking the crap out of his opponents!

Ex footballer (cough, cough), thug actor and general hard-man, Vinnie Jones, has been chosen for an advertising campaign showing people how not to kiss people whilst having cardiac arrest, but to apply CPR with the hands and when that doesn't work, a dose of GBH, Vinnie's speciality!

The NHS thought Vinnie would be the perfect show-biz personality to stop people giving mouth-to-mouth kisses (apart from when the patient is a "gorgeous bit of crumpet mate") because nobody really wants to be revived with a kiss by Vinnie from the Hood and Wimbledon (except Eric Cantona who would give him a tasty kung-fu kick in the goolies!). So Vinnie is being filmed with his "thuggy" hands on a cardiac arrest patient's heart and pumping.

If applying CPR doesn't work then Vinnie has been filmed at the next stage "giving the patient some GBH mate!" Which should work perfectly especially when applied by film and footie thug, Mr Jones.

When asked why he took on the role, Vinnie gave the following statement: "It's in mi blood mate, like, yunno, I've dun it all me life guv, kicking the crap out of people, so I fought I'd give summink back, like."

Vinnie Jones has proven to the world that once a thug always a thug even if one has to beat the crap out of a cardiac arrest patient to save his life; yunno, like!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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